LADIES, LET’S TAKE A HOLIDAY FROM MEN…AGAIN

 

Author and relationship expert, John Gray, PhD. really nailed it back in the 90s with his book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.  The premise of this couple’s manual is that men and women have such different needs and expectations, they may as well be from different planets.  The book sold millions of copies and spent over 100 weeks on the best seller list.

Hailed by the couples’ therapy community as the bible of male/female understanding, this book finally threw all the cards on the table and enlightened millions of bewildered men and women (mostly women) who made their way through its pages.  A shrewd marketing person even came out with the book on tape version making it accessible to those non-readers who could gain enlightenment on their morning commute.

Being a lover of all things Venus, I too purchased a copy of this book and after devouring its pages attempted to have a conversation with husband #3, the Keeper of All Knowledge.

Blah, Blah, Blah…was all I remembered from that conversation as he immediately tried to discredit the author.  I even purchased the book on tape version as a birthday present, but it remained untouched. His commute, he said, was only a few minutes and he preferred listening to country music…more relaxing…less enlightening.

So, with that and more recent lack- of-communication-events in mind, Ladies, I want to revive my call for the “Let’s Take a Holiday From Men Day”.* Regardless of how blissful your current relationship may be, I believe that all women need some Me Time.  Here are a few suggestions on how to spend your  Me Day.

1. Begin by downloading Heather Headley’s In My Mind.  This is soulful, Caribbean almost church with a beat music.  (Did you know Me Time was co-written by Baby Face and mixed at a studio in Va Beach).

All things being equal

I always put you first

You know that I’ve been down for you.

Through better and through worse

All things being equal

Boy, I’ve been more than cool

So it seems only natural

To expect the same of you.

…I need some Me time…Not some you and some I.  Just some Me time…that’s all.

Turn the volume way up and dance around in your Victoria Secrets as Heather harmonizes the anthem of Women Worldwide.

2. Next, set the TV so that No channels with balls being bounced, tossed, passed, chucked or dunked can be shown.  Clean the remote (studies show it contains more germs than your toilet) with a cotton ball and a little listerine.  Set the remote so only shows from Bravo, Lifetime, WE, OWN, Hallmark and PBS run continuously for 24 hours.

3. Make a special trip to the Mall and buy that purse, pair of shoes, designer dress…something that you have been eyeing for months and take it home without removing the price tag.  Display it  proudly, unashamedly in the front of the closet for  Him and the whole world to see.

4. Pull out your stash of cookbooks and clipped recipes and prepare a Meatless Gourmet Meal that is not only healthy but looks exactly like the photo.  Serve your meal on the fine china you reserve for his mother together with real napkins and a long stemmed wine glass full of something French and expensive from the top shelf at Total Wine.

5. Scour the bathtub of all those male (and dog) body hairs and have a Spa experience with your favorite scents bubbling  in the tub surrounded by a roomful of candles with Luther or Kem crooning softly and lovingly in the background.

6. Lastly, pull out those expensive satin sheets hidden in the back of the linen closet.  Put on your most comfortable nightie…no thongs or g straps those are for him.. unbonnet your hair, moisturize your face and have the most restful sleep you’ve had in months dreaming about how you are going to celebrate your Next Holiday from Him.

* From my original post in 2012 and 2014.

Love and Light

Comments are always welcome fellas…smiling

 

CONVERSATION OVERHEARD…

barefoot beach blur break
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Gurl you lucky

You got a man

I look around bewildered

Who is she speaking too

Where is he? Who you talkin’ ’bout

You know what I mean

Damn Everywhere you go

10 sets of male eyes on you

You breeze by smelling of shea patchouli and African oils

Hair coiled lightly scented softly

Framing your dark black black glistening skin

Smile for days

Men wish they could

Catch your eye

But like a Spring butterfly

You and your sheer gauzy cotton

Dresses just float by

Girl I ain’t got no man

No one in my bed

when I close my eyes

Or cuddling up to make

My Undressed body smile

Yeah I had a man

2 3  maybe even 4

But that was back in the day

And I’m living in the present Now

Damn gurl I just knew you had a Man

That sexy gait, like you’re on

A Paris runway

That beaming smile that says

Hello how are YOU

Today

Narrowing your eyes

That lyrical voice

Conjuring up nights

Lying in your cocoon

Gurl I ain’t got a man

They don’t understand

Me

OR what I need to Please

Them

So I just Please Me

I Refuse to Be Lonely or

Mantra of a Single Boomer

Packing for a girl’s trip.  No, not inspired by the movie last year.  We enlightened- girls-just- wanna- have- fun Boomers have been taking these trips for years.  Just haven’t had the connections to turn it into a million dollar movie… Gurl, don’t hate …participate.

The trip is 2 months out so packing actually means sticking mini post it tabs ( meant for readers of books) on the hangers of clothes I plan to take.  This way I can periodically check the inventory and delete or add as the big day nears. Thus, ensuring that my I only travel with one carryon bag motto is enforced.  I don’t know if I read about this in one of those Boomer how to simplify your life AARP articles (as if being a Boomer could be anything other than simple…is that a conundrum?) or if I dreamed about it. But so far it seems to be working. If the weather changes or my itinerary improves….Did that automated message from Amtrak say that there have been schedule changes for your trip

I digress.

This post is Really about what to do when you are living Single and want to avoid some of the pitfalls Big Brother/Society/The Man/World/ place in your path.

First, do not ever buy clothes that fasten with a hook and eye.  Those of you who sew will recognize this term. Its from back in the day and has made it way onto the 2018 runway.   For the uniformed, I have posted a picture below.  No matter how cute, how discounted, how many times it beckons to you from the H&M hanger.  Do not, I, repeat, take it home. Remember that perky salesperson will not be waiting in Your closet to help you button the damn thing up. Face it, there are just some clothes a single person can’t wear…and this is one of them.

Next, read a book or watch a video on how to perform self Heimlich maneuver.  Try it out beforehand on several sturdy door frames preferably near the kitchen.  This is important because when you are scarfing down those yummy cheesy grits in the insomniac hour and start to gag, you will need to have this procedure for saving Your life down pact. Trust me, that’s why I’m Still Here. Forget about falling in the bathtub…those silver guard rails will protect you from that. But choking on your carefully prepared cuisine… well, check the morgue.

Lastly, invest in a good aluminum baseball bat.  Or maybe its titanium.  One of those man made metals that replaced the good ol’ fashioned wooden bat.  These can be found in any sports department and next to pepper spray (requires you to get too close to the intruder/and to periodically check the expiration date…did that say 2011…) Wasp spray, (effective but a little unwieldly and may be empty if you are a patio lover), are a Single person’s best friend. That chi chi little Shiz Tsu, can only bark and rarely bites. So this bat will make the intruder think you auditioned for the movie Breaking In…shout out to Being Mary Jane.

Now where did I put that inflatable man…oops pillow?

Love and light.  Comments are free and always 🙏🏿