Cancer Calling

I knew when I looked at the caller ID.  Before I even hit the decline button. I didn’t want to hear those ugly words come out of anyone’s mouth.

Of course there was a message …We got the report back today… You need to call. I hit the delete message.

Voicemail/caller ID/merge calls…all this technology designed to enhance phone communication sometimes works at cross purposes with Humans.

I  think about how to dismantle this feature.

I pour some wine. Cut a pain pill in half. My jaw is still aching from the abscessed tooth. And promptly fall into a dreamless sleep.

The next day I call. No answer. I leave a message on the voicemail that no one ever listens too.

I continue with my day. Busying myself with all kinds of move related tasks. Dropping off clothes at a Baptist church clothes bank… someone will be happy with these cute dresses with tags still on them, shoes worn once still in the box, purses just like they came from the store paper wadded inside.

I think they call it a shopping addiction. I call it retail therapy. It seems to fill some void I have had this summer. But my new life cannot handle all this excess so I happily give it to the church.

Next stop Salvation army. Men just waking file out the door. One directs me to the office. The smell of urine and maleness  is strong in the dimly lit hallway. The worker who welcomes me is genuinely happy to see me.  I load her arms with comforters, pillows and almost new sheets. She thanks me warmly. I leave.

On to the hip upscale trendy part of town. Ironically, only a few blocks away from the seedy army of salvation. The owner of the upscale consignment shop greets me cheerfully. We have talked and she is anxious to see my wares…The mid century Swedish folding rope chairs I bought 20 years ago. They are worth $800 each. I have 4. They are in excellent condition. How much do I want for them. She is excited to have such a find in her little shop. She can see the dollar signs. Where do I sign. I just want to sell them and move on. They are a reminder of a time when monetarily my life was good but otherwise bad.

The phone rings. The caller ID flashes their name. It is their legal name.  Not the familiar one.  Too emotion engendering. I take a long deep breath.

I watch the squealing ancient coal cars scream past my car. I wonder what it would be like to disappear among those fast moving cars now. To be taken away from the insistent ring of this cell phone. Whisked away in a snarling, screeching mess of iron and steel. Destination unknown.

I hit the accept button.

 

Words Fail: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

The pop up calendar reminds me

Going South this week.

A mocking reminder

of what was

Supposed to Be.

Suitcases packed

Mail put on hold

Neighbors alerted to have

a watchful eye.

Friends bid adieu around

a final flavorful meal.

And then

The Words.

Words fail.

Words hurt.

Words remind.

Words start wars.

Words Destroy.

But …..  Libra004

Words give hope.

Words uplift.

Words empower.

Words transform.

And a Single Word

From on High

Can

Move Mountains.

Words fail me

The expression goes.

Speechless. Muted. Silenced.

Nothing left to say.

The curtain closes.

The sun completes its descent.

Words fail.

But

My Heart Smiles.

 

 

Poised on the Precipice

5am and I’m soaking in the too short tub Again

Me and Kem and My thoughts

Swishing swirling like waves

I watched today in the Chesapeake bay.

Summer almost half gone.

feeling unsettled anxious afraid?

Poised on the precipice of something/somewhere.

Exciting/ unknown

Unknowable/ Unrealized

Writing taking flight.

Book deal.
Blog.
Canada sponsorship.
Offer for lecturer @ Univ.

Everything you hoped for

and more baby girl

So why don’t I sleep?

Why

Am I and

my Twitter

insomniac comrads

doing yoga sleep moves

at 3am.

Where is the great love

I wished for

Chanted for

Prayed to Allah/God for.

Friends mostly male

Listen distractedly

They don’t know what

it means to be Black,

Female, 60+, in these Times

Even the select few

the Circle

I have let into

My Secret World

Don’t really comprehend Me

Girlfriends I don’t have many

Concerned with menopause

Failing health weight gain

Why are all the men in prison or way down Low

Gurl you are blessed what you complaining for?

I reply yes I know

and pour

another glass of Wine

Is this what 60 plus is really for.

Memories/regrets/ half lives lived.

Wanna be happy

Wanna Really smile.

We women wear the mask that

Hides and smiles.

Tired of frowning fretting brooding raging

Eating my feelings at 3am

Good black still cracks and gets fat.

You’re so funny

Can make everyone laugh

The tears of a clown are just that

So talented

so thin

look at that Smile

…Got good genes

even the physician scribes.

Ask Robin Williams,Anthony Bourdain, Phyllis Hyman, Donnie Hathaway Gerald Levert

Lt. Steven Nettles…thank you for your service/Your UnwaveringFriendship

All gone before their time

How does it feel to have a graveyard

For a friend?

Bath water so warm

murmurs hush.

Be still.

Peace
Be still.

The one you seek has yet to be born.

Guess I’ll see you next lifetime

…may Be a Butterfly.

(Love and Light!)

MISSING ME…

pexels-photo-954299
Photo by Joshua T on Pexels.com

Have You Ever…

Heard a voice so distinctive the vibrations reached your very Being and literally touched your soul/life force

Have You Ever…

Looked into a face, a mirror reflection of you and saw the same Smile, the same  Joy, the same Laughter, Longing and Pain

Have You Ever…

Desired that sweet sweet passion that only His hands, His lips, His tongue can bring

Have You Ever…

Waited patiently/impatiently for the phone to ring, the text to bing, signally the beginning/end of your day

Have You Ever…

Dressed and undressed…Black shoes? Red? High heels? Low? Anticipating his Eyes caressing your curves and nodding approvingly

Have You Ever…

Wished that minutes so precious and few would rush by like a Bullet train hurtling you into His waiting arms

Have You Ever…

Touched Your Self the way he touches you…probing, searching, searing, softly releasing his explosive Treasure inside you

Have You Ever…

Prayed to the Creator thanking HIM/HER for crafting the other half of you

Have You Ever…

Laughed so loud so hard so long at the exact same time even though you were hundreds of miles apart

Have You Ever…

Looked up into the silent morning sky watching the clouds drift/ dance slowly by wondering  if HE was viewing that same sky

Have You Ever…

Cried beautiful silent tears listening to his powerful words

Have You Ever, Have You Ever, I Say, Have You Ever

Been in Love

 

 

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised… Or Posted on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook

IMG_0094

WE interrupt this broadcast to bring you an important message!

The Revolution will NOT be televised

or posted on Instagram

or Facebook

or snap chat

or twitter.

Brother Gil Scott sounded the alarm

Malcolm and Martin were already gone

Huey and Fred and countless unnamed Panthers have led the charge

For  dignity

community

free food

brotherhood /sisterhood

A Voice

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

The Community of Brothers Behind Bars

serving time

for victimless crimes

must be freed

Instituitions of Higher Learning

must replace crack dens,

measuring grams,

driving while black,

killing of our boys and men

Wake up! Wake up!

Social media is not real

it is a Medium

designed by the 10 percent

for control of the 90

Anesthetizing Our Youth

Dulling Their Brilliant Minds

Gaming Gaming does Not Rule

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

We have already lost too much Time

Vietnam /PTSD /Homelessness /Brother can you spare me a Dime

Visiting your baby daddy in Lockup has become a Thing

Abusing your Queen has become a Thing

Shooting Sperm in Many Women has become a new sport

fatherless children the result

Wake Up !Wake Up!

We Need You

You are the hope

the light

the Original rib

To get to the Future

We Have to Look to the Past

WE Were the kings /the pyramid builders/ the mathematicians/the blood transfusion inventor

…the doctors…the lawyers

And Soldiers who helped SAVE our Native American chiefs

Do you know Your History /Her Story ?

Anthony Benjamin Tyrone Rashad Khalif Isaiah Testimony Derrick Jason Sean…

You are the fruit we have borne

Do not ripen on the Vine

Countless numbers are Already Gone

YOU are OUR Future

Our Kings /Warriors /Griots /Musicians

Rulers of  Obama Nation

The REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED

But Will Be Brought To you

Live and …In LIVING COLOR .

Hey, leave me a brief comment and forward this on to 1 Brother you know…let’s get this party uh Revolution started..right?

(100 things I ❤️ About Montreal will continue next week)

As Always,Thank you for reading my Words and please feel free to Comment/Share/ Follow … just like you did in Kindergarten 😌

Love and Light!

In a Reminiscing Mood

This is one of my Favorite Spoken Word posts. Written on the occasion of missing someone no longer in my Life. It’s the stuff that Love songs a la Luther, Kem, Levert, Donny H spring from. Fueled by that 3rd glass of Pinot in the quiet early dawn. 🎶Yesterday …Love WAS such an easy game to play… 

Liberal Lin

1401803393017

The World yawns, stretches and braces for a New Day

Birds chirp their morning Anthem.

Leaves unfurl

Grass shakes off its dew

And I lie here sleepless, thinking of you.

Missing the voice that cradles my heart.

Soothes and calms my fears.

Whispers gently, trust me

I will Not let you go

I get you.

Missing the Smile that twinkles

those gray/brown eyes

Deepening the dimples

bringing out the impish boy hiding inside.

Missing the Hands that heal the wounded

Pray to the Creator

And catch hold of mine

Carefully guiding me beside not behind.

Missing the Mind, lightning quick

complex, collecting, processing, storing

Zoom zoom on multiple tracks

Yet carving out some

cerebral space for me.

Missing the pet names

A language shared only by us.

Missing the passion

The volcano erupting, bubbling over

Spreading its fiery furnace over My land.

Missing my smile, my lightness, my glow

That touches all…

View original post 44 more words

In a Reminiscing Mood

1401803393017

The World yawns, stretches and braces for a New Day

Birds chirp their morning Anthem.

Leaves unfurl

Grass shakes off its dew

And I lie here sleepless, thinking of you.

Missing the voice that cradles my heart.

Soothes and calms my fears.

Whispers gently, trust me

I will Not let you go

I get you.

Missing the Smile that twinkles

those gray/brown eyes

Deepening the dimples

bringing out the impish boy hiding inside.

Missing the Hands that heal the wounded

Pray to the Creator

And catch hold of mine

Carefully guiding me beside not behind.

Missing the Mind, lightning quick

complex, collecting, processing, storing

Zoom zoom on multiple tracks

Yet always carving out some

cerebral space for me.

Missing the pet names, silent looks

A language shared only by us.

Missing the passion

The volcano erupting, bubbling over

Spreading its fiery furnace over My land.

Missing my smile, my lightness, my glow

That touches all who knowingly Know.

Missing the love songs and mixed tapes

dedicated By you

And hours spent going through my

collection to

Find the perfect response for you.

Missing the kitchen. The back forty. The Farmers’ Market.

The half watched DVDs. The Lake. The Woods.

Damn, I am Missing You.