9/11

The anxiety hung thick in the boxy apartment air.

I listen to the talking heads on the morning news report on the memory of this most horrible and Sad day.

It was the backdrop for what proved to be my 911.

Waiting in the courtroom lobby. My heart pounding outside my chest. Nervousness and fear mounting as I try to remain calm.

He walks in confident. Speaks, smiles as if we are meeting for a drink. Sits 100 yards away per the Order.

His lawyer cockily approaching me with a sh*t eating grin. Extends his clammy hand. Calls me by my first name.You don’t have to talk to me. I know. And I do not.

Why do Men still feel the need to intimidate US? No, I am not a lawyer. I am unrepresented. I have been victimized… Again. I Know my rights. I know the law. I am prepared to Fight.

For Me. For nameless women through the ages. Held hostage by a man’s control.

Abused emotionally/ mentally/physically by men we trust. By men we thought we loved.

The stoic judge acknowledges me and hears my case.

His attorney tries to mock me. To question the facts I present. But instead angers the judge. And ends up making a fool of himself and his client. His $1200 attorney fee could have paid my support for several months.

The gavel sounds. Two years of Protection. Two years of No contact.

How did we get here? What makes a loved one become one we fear, a stranger we no longer recognize?

How Did You Get Here? The old RnB song plays over and over in my head.

I wait in the lobby again. Papers are being prepared.

He sits 100 yards away. His lawyer head down. Both sullen, silent.

I should be happy. But just feel relief. Feel like I can breathe once again.

And then the News. A one line text. My Friend has passed.

My Best Friend. My Only GurlFriend. My Ride or Die Friend. My I got your back Friend. My I can call you Anytime of Anyday and talk about Anything Friend.

On this saddest most remembered day when thousands of lives were lost. My Friend has slipped away… without my saying goodbye.

Too consumed with the drama of a broken heart, broken marriage, broken life.

I sit stiffly on the courtroom bench and The silent tears fall.

SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

Is what He calls it

When He takes you to bed

After you have taken himTo Court.

Like an elaborate chess game

The 20 year relationship

two moves forward

One move back.

In the background Gladys moans

Neither one of us Wants to be the First to say Goodbye.

And yes Shakespeare

Parting is such Sweet Sorrow

But breakupWe must.

If I am to survive

If I am to breathe

If I am ever to find

My smileAgain

My laughterAgain

My Romantic Again

And Be clothed

In my Right MindAgain.

Vows broken

Cast carelessly aside

Another woman

in My marital bed

Head perched

on my satin pillow.

Secret phone calls.

Thousands of texts.

Midnight Rendezvous.

All belie My Innocence

And the lies

the lies

the lies

All starting to sound like the truth.

You know I will always love you hon. You ain’t got nothing to worry about with ME.We gon’ always be TOGETHER.

Singing Garth love songs

To me at karaoke

Where you thinkingAbout Her

and Not Me?

What makes a man

Turn and walk away

After you’ve given him

Your Everything?

Sacrificed your very soul

Just to be with him.

Gurl, what you see in That man?He ain’t even yo type.Definitely ain’t on yo Level.

Mama said there would be days like this

days like this…

Put yourself in Jesus Hands

Insomnia is now my bedmate.

Sleepless nights that never end.

And no this ain’t no fairytale.

No Stranger on a white Horse

galloping to save me.

Save yourself, gurl

Run, Run

Anywhere

Away from Him

Away from Hurt

Away from Disbelief

Away from Disappointment

Away from Shame

Hmph hmph hmph

26 years ago

Over half My Life

IWish I Could

GoBACK

ToThe Day

BEFORE WE MET

And SKIP My REGRET…

YOU.