B is For Baby Boomer

What happened? One minute she’s turning out Blogs like a well oiled machine and then BAM! Nothing! Silence where there used to be laughter, songs, shared experiences, reminiscing, poetry, etc. etc. etc.


Such is the nature of a Writer; the ebb and flow of life sometimes takes us away from the Words and then brings us haltingly back again.

I won’t bore you with the details of my absence from these pages for the last month except to say… Life Happened.

And when you are 60+ (as many of you fellow Boomers can attest to) it can be challenging.

No one prepares you to be a Boomer …there is no class you can take…(sorry AARP)…it just seems you wake up one day and nature has started taking its course. Stiff gray hairs were there used to be none, creaks and groans from your favorite poses, memory lapses and this sudden invisibleness from the younger generation. Your mind and body seem to literally start playing tricks on you….daily.

A recent editorial by a 60+ writer said that Boomers were becoming the object of disdain by the Millennials. Our propensity for living longer, enjoying better health, and remaining in jobs past retirement age has gotten their collective man buns in a knot.

Finances and absence of a spouse (death, divorce, younger women) often catapult many female Boomers back into the workforce. And our dreams of sleeping till noon, reading that stack of long ago purchased books, and traveling to exotic places are put on hold…much to our dismay.

Like many other women, my plans for life after retirement were derailed, and during countless nights of insomnia ladened sleep (despite lavender candles/ room spray/body oil/even lavender sprigs tucked in my pillow… where his head used to lay) I lie awake at the insomniac hour thinking about what it really means to be a single woman in her 60s in this country.

My move last year from a Senior community – for Active 55 plus- back to an unsubsidized, renovated, urban apartment (complete with a great view of the water and neighbors of all ages, many of them dog owners and pot smokers), has given me a renewed perspective. Since I was beginning  to believe that a building full of  people of the same age (over 55) living together can only lead to depression, isolation, and early demise.

Of course, remaining in the real world is expensive as any person living on a fixed income can attest to, and has led many boomers to delay retirement or return to the 9 to 5.

For many, work is also a boon to stave off boredom and early dementia. And based on the lack of skills-especially people skills- present in many of the I-was-raised-by-a- computer generation is frankly, a godsend for many businesses.

Boomers are generally calm under pressure, great problem solvers and have strong work ethics…all things Millennials could learn from.

And while many Boomers may lack advanced tech skills for some positions, remember we were the first generation of Mac and PC users and can easily be trained to work with complex software now found in many workplaces.

Boomers do have to contend with other challenges as well. Health issues, ours and family members, often become an unwanted reality as cancer, alzheimer and other diseases take residence in our domain.

Changing relationships with parents/siblings/peers/significant others seem to be a hallmark of becoming a Boomer.
Prayer, therapy, and bottles of 19 Crimes can help to lessen these stressors.

So take heart Boomers and lighten the f*** up!


This Poem Could Be Our Song

The World yawns

Stretches and braces for

a New Day.

Leaves unfurl

Grass shakes off its dew

And I lie here sleepless

Thinking of you.

Missing the voice

That cradled

My heart

Soothed and

Calmed

My Fears.

Whispered gently

Trust me

I got You.

Missing the smile

That twinkled

those eyes.

Bringing out the

Impish boy inside.

Missing the hands

That healed

The wounded.

Prayed to

the Creator

And caught

Hold of mine.

Carefully guiding me

Beside not behind.

Missing the mind

Lightning quick

Complex/collecting/processing/storing

Zoom Zoom on multiple tracks

A Beautiful mind

Reserving cerebral space

For my thoughts.

Missing the passion

The volcanic eruption

Bubbling over

Spreading its fiery

furnace

Over my sacred land.

Missing my smile

My lightness

My glow

That touched all

Who know.

Missing the love songs

The CDs

Mixed tapes

in my email

And my playlist Reply

Phyllis. Oleta. Ledisi.

I’m calling you/ Get Here If You Can/Pieces of Me

Missing the kitchen

The Back forty

Farmers Market

After church

Redbox movies

The lake

The woods

Damn

I am missing you.

Conversation Overheard

Been listening to Lizzo lately. She is a beautiful rapper, singer, indie performer, classical trained flautist,who has taken the Girl Power, self love, can I get an amen music medium to a whole new level/ genre.

This poem is for all those, who like Lizzo, understand that before we can love anyone else. ..we must first love Ourselves.

Gurl you lucky

You got a man

I look around bewildered
Who she speaking too

Where is he?
Who you talkin’ ’bout

You know what I mean
Damn!

Everywhere you go
Male eyes

devouring you

You breeze by smelling of shea, lavender and African oils

Hair coiled lightly scented softly

Framing your dark African black glistening skin.

Sparkly white teeth

And a Smile for days.

Men wish they could
Catch your eye.

But like a spring butterfly

You and your sheer gauzy dresses
just float by.

Gurl

I ain’t got no man.

No one in my bed

when I close my eyes

Or cuddling up to make

My naked body smile.

Yeah I had a man

2,3 even more

But that was back in the day.

I’m living in the present Now.

Damn gurl I just knew

you had a Man

That sexy walk

like you’re on
A NY runway.

That beaming smile that says

Hello Imfinehowareyou

That lyrical voice

Conjuring up nights

Lying in your cocoon.

Gurl

I ain’t got no man

They don’t understand

Me

And What I need

So I just Do

ME.

READERS, MY MEMOIR/ FICTION BOOK… ALL THE LIES ARE TRUE…

THE STORY OF MY BLACK POWER/HIPPIE YEARS IN 1970s LOS ANGELES..

IS SCHEDULED FOR RELEASE LATE DECEMBER 2019 ON KINDLE.

(PREVIEW CHAPTERS WILL BE RELEASED ON BLOG SITE IN COMING WEEKS).

TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

AND THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING MY WORDS !

9/11

The anxiety hung thick in the boxy apartment air.

I listen to the talking heads on the morning news report on the memory of this most horrible and Sad day.

It was the backdrop for what proved to be my 911.

Waiting in the courtroom lobby. My heart pounding outside my chest. Nervousness and fear mounting as I try to remain calm.

He walks in confident. Speaks, smiles as if we are meeting for a drink. Sits 100 yards away per the Order.

His lawyer cockily approaching me with a sh*t eating grin. Extends his clammy hand. Calls me by my first name.You don’t have to talk to me. I know. And I do not.

Why do Men still feel the need to intimidate US? No, I am not a lawyer. I am unrepresented. I have been victimized… Again. I Know my rights. I know the law. I am prepared to Fight.

For Me. For nameless women through the ages. Held hostage by a man’s control.

Abused emotionally/ mentally/physically by men we trust. By men we thought we loved.

The stoic judge acknowledges me and hears my case.

His attorney tries to mock me. To question the facts I present. But instead angers the judge. And ends up making a fool of himself and his client. His $1200 attorney fee could have paid my support for several months.

The gavel sounds. Two years of Protection. Two years of No contact.

How did we get here? What makes a loved one become one we fear, a stranger we no longer recognize?

How Did You Get Here? The old RnB song plays over and over in my head.

I wait in the lobby again. Papers are being prepared.

He sits 100 yards away. His lawyer head down. Both sullen, silent.

I should be happy. But just feel relief. Feel like I can breathe once again.

And then the News. A one line text. My Friend has passed.

My Best Friend. My Only GurlFriend. My Ride or Die Friend. My I got your back Friend. My I can call you Anytime of Anyday and talk about Anything Friend.

On this saddest most remembered day when thousands of lives were lost. My Friend has slipped away… without my saying goodbye.

Too consumed with the drama of a broken heart, broken marriage, broken life.

I sit stiffly on the courtroom bench and The silent tears fall.

CAN WE TALK…

So happy

so anxious

to devour
Your

words.

Did I detect
a Tone
Somewhat

concerning.

You feeling that
I didn’t really know

Who you are
And What

We could Be?

Fragments of conversations

From phone calls
so long
Ago.

Hold on now gurl, you have been this Way

Before…

But I rush

forward

Relishing

The words.

The sounds

The smells.

Libras you know

Love Luv

Seek Beauty

Revere Balance.

In a perfect world

(Or Quebec)

That might work.

But You

Brought back

my Smile

The quickening

in my chest

The swing

in my Walk.

You brought

back

ME.

Defenses way

Way up.

Been hurt

so many damn
Times Before.

By Men with

Another Woman

Or Two

Even an unloved

But very much

Present

Wife.

I am cautious.
I am critical.
I am impatient.
I am demanding.

But I am also

Ready.

MEN ARE MARS/WOMEN VENUS

Author and relationship expert, John Gray, PhD. really nailed it back in the 90s with his book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. The premise of this couple’s manual is that men and women have such different needs and expectations, they may as well be from different planets. The book sold millions of copies and spent over 100 weeks on the best seller list.

Hailed by the couples’ therapy community as the bible of male/female understanding, this book finally threw all the cards on the table and enlightened millions of bewildered men and women (mostly women) who made their way through its pages. A shrewd marketing person even came out with the book on tape version making it accessible to those non-readers who could gain enlightenment on their morning commute.

Being a lover of all things Venus, I too purchased a copy of this book and after devouring its pages attempted to have a conversation with husband #3, the Keeper of All Knowledge.

Blah, Blah, Blah…was all I remembered from that conversation as he immediately tried to discredit the author. I even purchased the book on tape version as a birthday present, but it remained untouched. His commute, he said, was only a few minutes and he preferred listening to country music…more relaxing…less enlightening.

So, with that and more recent lack-of-communication-events in mind, Ladies, I want to revive my call for the “Let’s Take a Holiday From Men Day”.*

Regardless of how blissful your current relationship may be, I believe that all women need some Me Time. Here are a few suggestions on how to spend your Me Day.

1. Begin by downloading Heather Headley’s In My Mind. This is soulful, Caribbean almost church with a beat music. (Did you know Me Time was co-written by Baby Face and mixed at a studio in Va Beach).

All things being equal

I always put you first

You know that I’ve been down for you.

Through better and through worse

All things being equal

Boy, I’ve been more than cool

So it seems only natural

To expect the same of you.

…I need some Me time…Not some you and some I. Just some Me time…that’s all.

Turn the volume way up and dance around in your Victoria Secrets as Heather harmonizes the anthem of Women Worldwide.

2. Next, set the TV so that No channels with balls being bounced, tossed, passed, chucked or dunked can be shown. Clean the remote (studies show it contains more germs than your toilet) with a cotton ball and a little listerine. Set the remote so only shows from Bravo, Lifetime, WE, OWN, Hallmark and PBS run continuously for 24 hours.

3. Make a special trip to the Mall and buy that purse, pair of shoes, designer dress…something that you have been eyeing for months and take it home without removing the price tag. Display it proudly, unashamedly in the front of the closet for Him to see.

4. Pull out your stash of cookbooks and clipped recipes and prepare a Meatless Gourmet Meal that is not only healthy but looks exactly like the photo. Serve your meal on the fine china you reserve for his mother together with real napkins and a long stemmed wine glass full of something French and expensive from the top shelf at Total Wine.

5. Scour the bathtub of all those male (and dog) body hairs and have a Spa experience with your favorite scents bubbling in the tub surrounded by a roomful of candles with Luther or Kem crooning softly and lovingly in the background.

6. Lastly, pull out those expensive satin sheets hidden in the back of the linen closet. Put on your most comfortable nightie…no thongs or g straps… those are for him.. unbonnet your hair, moisturize your face and have the most restful sleep you’ve had in months dreaming about how you are going to celebrate your Next Holiday from Him.

* Reblogged From 2014.

Love and Light!

Comments are always welcome, fellas…smiling

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