Cancer Calling

I knew when I looked at the caller ID.  Before I even hit the decline button. I didn’t want to hear those ugly words come out of anyone’s mouth.

Of course there was a message …We got the report back today… You need to call. I hit the delete message.

Voicemail/caller ID/merge calls…all this technology designed to enhance phone communication sometimes works at cross purposes with Humans.

I  think about how to dismantle this feature.

I pour some wine. Cut a pain pill in half. My jaw is still aching from the abscessed tooth. And promptly fall into a dreamless sleep.

The next day I call. No answer. I leave a message on the voicemail that no one ever listens too.

I continue with my day. Busying myself with all kinds of move related tasks. Dropping off clothes at a Baptist church clothes bank… someone will be happy with these cute dresses with tags still on them, shoes worn once still in the box, purses just like they came from the store paper wadded inside.

I think they call it a shopping addiction. I call it retail therapy. It seems to fill some void I have had this summer. But my new life cannot handle all this excess so I happily give it to the church.

Next stop Salvation army. Men just waking file out the door. One directs me to the office. The smell of urine and maleness  is strong in the dimly lit hallway. The worker who welcomes me is genuinely happy to see me.  I load her arms with comforters, pillows and almost new sheets. She thanks me warmly. I leave.

On to the hip upscale trendy part of town. Ironically, only a few blocks away from the seedy army of salvation. The owner of the upscale consignment shop greets me cheerfully. We have talked and she is anxious to see my wares…The mid century Swedish folding rope chairs I bought 20 years ago. They are worth $800 each. I have 4. They are in excellent condition. How much do I want for them. She is excited to have such a find in her little shop. She can see the dollar signs. Where do I sign. I just want to sell them and move on. They are a reminder of a time when monetarily my life was good but otherwise bad.

The phone rings. The caller ID flashes their name. It is their legal name.  Not the familiar one.  Too emotion engendering. I take a long deep breath.

I watch the squealing ancient coal cars scream past my car. I wonder what it would be like to disappear among those fast moving cars now. To be taken away from the insistent ring of this cell phone. Whisked away in a snarling, screeching mess of iron and steel. Destination unknown.

I hit the accept button.


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Creative one: loving... the Creator, self, family, faithful friends, good health, eating right, growing own food, good books, memorable movies, workouts, writing to exercise brain/passions, cooking from the heart, music to soothe, dancing to release...Loving LIFE

10 thoughts on “Cancer Calling”

  1. Read the blog….. this is not the time for a pep talk or a spiritual dissertation and so I won’t. That will come soon enough. Feeling your pain. Bea

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Lin, power descriptions of what so many of people go through when we know bad news is coming — the dreaded phone call, voicemail, wine, sleep, retail therapy, giving-away therapy … All sharp-edged and well-told. And so hard to do, to keep your writing together like this, with all you and your family are going through. Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Life is so universal as pain and doubts become parallel with certainties, our mind struggle to the end and beyond. Peace and relief are at a distance as the now magnify a love story circling never escaping within…Lord knows, we are with you.
    I picked up the phone too, be well my friend you are strong.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Blessings and thank you for sharing this part of your journey. We don’t always know how we are positioned to be a blessing. Yet, we answer the call. We accept…
    Faith and strength reinforce the Power of Love manifesting through you. Peace and Grace.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Gosh I’ve only just got here, I feel for you on all counts. I once had a tooth abscess so bad I was climbing the ceiling at 2am going through the phone book for an emergency dentist!

    Whatever this call is, thinking of you Lady. Much love Sam xx

    Liked by 2 people

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